Tuesday, April 22, 2008

2498 GAME REPORT: Final

Hells Teef Rippas 2 - 1 Gutter Runners
75,000 screaming fans turned out for the final game of the 2498 Old Albion Premier League. Both teams were new to the final but the only player to suffer from nerves was Boneripper the Skaven Rat Ogre, and subsequently he spent most of the game in the in the toilet block.

The Orcs won the toss and kicked off to the Skaven, but the Rats lost possession and Orc Blitzer, Smite Elfguzzler, recovered the ball. In an audacious play he blitzed out of a ruck of players and sprinted over for a touchdown to take the Rippas into an early lead. The Skaven, despite taking some early casualties, are always able to score, and set out to equalise before the end of the half. Their thrower collected the ball and stayed deep, trying to stretch the Orc team. Meanwhile the Orcs concentrated on injuring as many Gutter Runners as possible. Running out of Rats and running out of time the Skaven went for broke. Their thrower ran forward and drilled a quick pass to a Gutter Runner who despite being marked by two Orcs completed the catch and dodged toward the end zone. Meanwhile a second Gutter Runner deeper downfield got back to his paws and dodged away from two of his markers took the hand-off from his team mate and levelled the scores at 1-1.

The Orcs received in the second half as the heavens opened and a deluge soaked the field. Starting from a touchback Smite Elfguzzler ran the ball to the Orcs right, protected by a cage of Orcs. Although the Skaven tried desperately to breach the Rippas defence the Orcs held firm and began to stun and knockout the Rats as they steam-rollered forward. Missing Bone Ripper badly the Gutter Runners needed an ace in the hole, and they found it in a lurve potion slipped to Smite before the game. As the Orc blitzer leapt into the crowd to meet the thing of his dreams he casually tossed the ball over his shoulder only for Hackflesh Grind to scoop up the ball, much to the annoyance of the Skaven Headcoach. The Gutter Runners final gamble had failed and Grind ran over in the last play of the game to score the winning touchdown.

In a final twist, replays of the winning touchdown showed that Grind had clearly applied glue to his palms seconds before he received the ball and this went some way in explaining his outstanding ball control in the downpour. The Gutter Runners successfully sued and forced the Rippas into bankruptcy, though the Skaven never saw any of the money as their lawyers took the proceeds.

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